An Ode To The End

This time two years ago I was in Incarnate Word Missionaries orientation in San Antonio, preparing myself to embark on a 2 year journey to an unknown part of the world (at least to me). We went through hours of discussion sessions, workshops, and question&answer sessions with the Sisters and their associates. We were taught everything from living in intentional community, to the social justice struggle in Latin America, to staying healthy in mission, to spiritual companionship, to meditation and prayer, to personality types and interactions. It was a short 3 weeks, and before we knew it we were off to Chimbote, Peru to meet our new home for the first time.

Once we arrived in Chimbote it was like a whirlwind. Getting to know so many new foods, new people, new streets, new rules, new cultural norms, a new language, new clothing, new music, new new new new new. One thing I remember very distinctly from the second that I arrived to San Antonio is that everyone kept saying, “Two years…. It will go by so fast.” And guess what?? They were right.

Now two years later and back in my comfortable home in the USA I am having a hard time processing and reflecting on what just happened in my life. It’s so much more than “an experience in mission”. It seems like a whole other life that I lived in Chimbote. When people today ask me “So, how was Peru??” I just have to smile and say “It was good, thanks”, because how can I describe the beauty, the heartache, the love, the joys, the challenges, the obstacles, the relationships, the fights, the stress, the frustrations, the hilarity, the life-giving memories that made up the past 2 years in a one sentence response to that question??

I am still struggling to find a connection to it all. Trying to figure out who the Katie was before I went to Peru, and where the new me fits in to this familiar but strange world back in the United States. I am slowly getting used to the comforts of home again, but grasping desperately to the lessons of simplicity and intentionality that I learned in Peru…. Though, side note, I have to say that getting used to air conditioning, debit card machines, putting toilet paper in the toilet, driving my car, huge grocery stores, drinking water out of the tap, walking barefoot around the house, carpet, laundry machines, utilizing the refrigerator, TV, hot showers whenever I want them, seeing clean domesticated dogs with owners on leashes, clothes that are actually clean and smell like laundry, the freedom of driving my own car, the almost sterile cleanliness of the streets and buildings, the politeness and good-manners of even strangers, and the fast-paced speed of the culture here.... is taking some getting used to.

I learned so much while I was there.... and more than just how to cure and dress a wound when I only have q-tips, menstrual pads, and a bottle of iodine to work with. I became such a more patient and understanding person. I learned the value of gentleness, listening, and genuine kindness to my nursing and to my personal life. I handled the most frustrating and challenging situations of my life and taught myself to take a deep breath and be the most objective that I can. I took on so many unexpected responsibilities and got through it with a smile on my face. I felt some of the saddest that I've ever felt, the most scared that I've ever been, the most defeated, disheartened, and discouraged.... but I can honestly and confidently say that it was two years that I would NEVER trade for anything. I know that I am a new, more mature, more experienced, more understanding, more whole, more patient, more reliable, braver, and harder working version of myself. I am proud of my time in Peru and I'm so honored and humbled to have had the opportunity to live in Chimbote, serve the people that I served, live in solidarity, and learn from every person that I met every day. Each individual truly changed me and changed my life. 

That being said, I am very happy to be home. I was ready to be back and feel that I left with a good amount of closure. Kyle and I had a pretty stressful last couple of weeks in Chimbote. A trillion goodbye parties and lunches…. I don’t think we slept for 4 hours in a row in the entire last 8 days that we were there. But it was worth it to be able to say goodbye to so many wonderful, amazing people who became such an important part of our Chimbotano lives. Friends who became family away from family in our home away from home.

I would be lying if I said that I never missed Peru, but I also think I am still in that shocking “honey-moon” phase of getting home and the reality of it all hasn’t really hit me yet. I am more than grateful for the past 2 years. I am so thankful to the Incarnate Word Sisters, to my parents, to my friends who supported me, to God, to all of you who always read my blog, emailed me to check in, and sent me your thoughts and prayers, and to everyone who made it possible for this inner vocation of mission to be fulfilled. I can say that my life has forever been changed. My soul and my spirit will never be the same as they were two years ago. My eyes have been opened to so many new realities, perspectives, and ideas. I gained new hope and vision for what I want my future to look like and how I can manifest this dedication to the poor and marginalized in a tangible way in my work and personal life. I feel so blessed to have had this more than incredible, once in a lifetime opportunity. Now it is up to me, along with lots of prayer and reflection, to figure out what comes next and how to give myself a new life that always deeply incorporates my vida Peruana.

Below are some pictures of my "Despedidas" or "Goodbyes", with everyone from my sweet little Hospice patients and their families to Parish friends to the Sisters. Enjoy!!

Goodbye lunch at our friends Patty and Claudia's house

My last day at Hospice!!! Our community team for June

With my patient Felicita, wearing the scarf that she knit for me as a goodbye gift

Me and Sister Juanita at Hospice

Me and Maria, one of my patients

My goodbye party at Hospice

Fidea's passport!! Yes, we brought her back to the USA with us... we couldn't leave our baby!!

My love Julia and her daughter Maraju

Our last picture ever in our house!!!! All of these friends came to see us off before we got in our car and left for Lima to come back to the USA!!!!

Goodbye party with the Incarnate Word Chimbote Associates 

Lunch with our neighbor and Peruvian grandma, Lucha

Goodbye party and cheers with friends.. Kyle, Elmer, Oscar, Felipe, Irwin, John, me, and Richard

Saying goodbye to my patient Francisca

After our lass mass in our parish San Francisco with Padre Lucciani and our new Padre

With our vegetable lady and our fruit couples in the market

Me, Pepe, and Richard at our English goodbye party, they gifted Kyle and I teaching certificates from Peru

Saying goodbye with our neighbors.... Uder, me, Luz, Sergio, Abuelita, Axel, y Yuri

After our goodbye party with our English students

With my patient Maria and her family 

With my patient Jose's wife

Kyle with little fruit lady when we said our goodbyes in the market

After my goodbye party at Hospice

Goodbye dinner Chifa with Amparo, Clorinda, me, Nidia, and Sonia

Our last night out dancing in Chimbote with our good friends.... Laura, Nataly, me, Fiorella, Mayumi, Alejandro, and Kyle

With my patient Donatila and her daughter

Me with my patient Lucas and his family (and dog Doki)

Kyle, Sister Francine, Sister Favi, Sister Carmelita, Sister Rosaleen, Sister Mirella, Sister Ivonne, Sister Melanie, and I at our goodbye lunch in Lima

Kyle, Sister Leonila, Sister Juanita, me, and Sister Sofie at our goodbye lunch

Me and my patient Teresa dancing to some Cumbia Colombiana

Axel, Yuri, and I on our last playdate

t-minus 13 days......

So here we are, 2 weeks to go and I will be stateside. I should be stress free, enjoying the time I have left and getting excited for my arrival back home, happily organizing my things to pack and spending my nights out living it up in Chimbote for the last time.... right?? Well, the truth is, I am feeling more emotionally conflicted right now than I have probably felt in my entire past 2 years here. I wake up with my heart beating faster, sometimes feeling sick, I don't have an appetite because I am feeling so anxious, and my mind is constantly struggling in between thoughts of home and thoughts of Chimbote and thoughts of my family and thoughts of my Peruvian friends and thoughts of my friends in St. Louis and thoughts of my Hospice patients.... on and on.

Mostly questions. So many questions!! How have I changed that I won't even realize until I am back home?? Will integrating back into my own culture really be something so challenging for me?? What if I feel like a stranger in a world that is at the same time so familiar?? What will happen to the relationships that I have formed in Chimbote for the past two years?? Will I ever walk through these downtown streets at sunset again, feeling the breeze from the Pacific, talking and laughing in Spanish with my friends and eating Peruvian street food?? Or is this the last time that I will ever be in this city?? What will I do when I get back to Texas and the "honeymoon phase" of my homecoming wears off, and I realize I don't know anyone in my hometown anymore and the reality of finding a job, applying for grad schools, and living real life hits me in the face?? What will I miss from here from my daily life that I don't even realize is that important to me?? And... Am I wasting my time by writing this blog right now.... should I be out with friends that I may never see again??

I question like every second of my day.... like, how should I be spending my time to make the most of everything?? Which, in turn, is just a vicious cycle of taking me OUT of the present moment and not really making the most of anything. I have written blogs before about living intentionally in the present, quoting inspirations from everyone from Thich Nhat Hanh to Oscar Romero to Deepak Chopra to Dorothy Day. Being very consciously deliberate with my time and being mentally in the same place that I am physically. Really being "where my feet are". Being attentive in conversations, feeling all of the sensations of the world around me in the present moment, feeling grateful for where I am, who I am with, and what I am feeling right here and now.... not needing to be anywhere else, with anyone else, not daydreaming or looking forward to the future or thinking about the past. But right now, in a time where every conversation begins with "So, not much time left, huh??" and ends with "Don't forget us when you go back to your country", it makes it a little difficult to be truly present.

In some ways I want these 2 weeks to just be over and to just finally be home. Have my goodbyes be finished, my things packed up and unpacked in my room at home, be safe in my house with my mom, dad, grandpa, and kitties. I also feel guilty for thinking that way, and like time here is slipping through my fingers uncontrollably and I am losing so many precious moments.... because I shouldn't want to rush anything. I want to be happy to have each minute of my life here because who knows when I will be back, or if I will even be back. Last year around this time when the missionaries before us were getting ready to leave, I remember Emily, one of them, saying "I am just kind of ready for it to be over, it's now gotten to the point of just being like a waiting game and everyone just talking about us leaving and everyone at home talking about us getting home. I'm tired of the drawn out goodbyes and am in a way just ready for it to be over." (ok, maybe that wasn't an exact quote, sorry Emily, but it was something along these lines.) At the time I thought it was interesting and I guess that makes sense... And now, in her position, I feel exactly the same way.

Kyle and I recently had a retreat with Sister Ivonne where she taught us a very simple and wonderful prayer that goes like this:

"Paciencia, Paciencia,

Paciencia, Paciencia,

Vivir el momento presente,

Vivir el momento presente,

Escuchar con amor,

Escuchar con amor,

Dar,

Recibir,

Celebrar."

Which means.........

"Patience, Patience,

Patience, Patience,

Live in the present moment,

Live in the present moment,

Listen with love,

Listen with love,

Give,

Receive,

Celebrate."

I love this prayer because it is very genuine and straight-forward. And honest. This is exactly how I want to be living my life, not just in these next two weeks but at all times. It was such a blessing to have our retreat at this time and have a few days to sort through our thoughts before the chaos of these next two weeks hits.... all of the goodbye parties, crying see-you-laters, packing up suitcases, cleaning up and sorting through the house, and so on. 

I am trying so hard to keep that prayer in mind and take a deep breath and focus on the present. But often times my very distracted and undisciplined mind takes over and tries to pull my heart in other ways. This blog is more of a reflection than anything, something to help me get my thoughts out, and a plea for prayers and positive vibes sent my way, and Kyle's way, in this time of transition. Please pray for my peace of mind and peace of heart, my ability to live intentionally, and live in the present moment for the next two weeks and continually after. 

Peace

Katie

You Know You've Lived In Peru For Awhile When..... (50 signs)

Hello everyone!!

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the warm weather!! It is really starting to get cold here.... but in t-minus 1 month I will be in the hot and humid Texas heat, so I'm trying not to complain too much (yay!! and sad!! very bitter sweet).

I've seen a few "You know you (insert example here) when...." lists lately, and decided it would be fun to make a "You Know You've Lived In Peru For Awhile When...." list. After 2 whole years here I feel it's appropriate to share some of the endearing, hilarious, very different, (and, let's be honest, sometimes frustrating) cultural normalities of this country.

A few of these I saw in other blogs of the same topic and they were just too perfect and too funny NOT to steal, and the others I had a good laugh making up myself while thinking back over my time here.

Those of you who have been in Peru will probably "get it" more than others, but hopefully even if you haven't had the amazing experience of Peru first-hand, you will still find this entertaining and maybe learn something about the place that has been my home the past 2 years.



You Know You've Lived In Peru For Awhile When.......... (50 signs)


1. .... You go to cross the street and instead of still yelling "We are going to die!!" (as you yelled, or at least thought, upon your recent arrival to the country), you now actually believe the car has the right of way and let them pass first

2. .... You get used to rice being part of a every meal, and if the rice is missing you are confused and highly suspicious of this meal's potential to satisfy your hunger

3. .... You already know what underwear you will wear on New Years Eve.... the yellow pair, duh, along with yellow everything else

A typical market booth in the days approaching New Years Eve.... In Peru, wearing yellow brings good luck

4. .... You show up for any event 2 hours later than requested on the invitation. And you are still the first person there.

5. .... You remember the prices of food in the USA and are appalled of how much you used to spend.... $20 for a plate of food???? Are you kidding???? I could buy 8 "menu"s for that price..... (menu = 2 course meal with a refreshment).

6 .... You can't imagine a good cheers! with anything but a delicious Pisco Sour, and you can't imagine a refreshment more delicious than cold Chicha Morada (especially with your ceviche)

Peru's national alcoholic drink, the Pisco Sour

A tall jar of Chicha, which is a drink made of boiled purple corn, sweet apples, pineapple, and lime

7. .... You automatically know that every time estimate is BS and triple it

8. .... You no longer think twice about sharing a beer glass with 6 total strangers and then dumping your backwash onto someone's living room floor

9. .... You actually understand the meaning of "un poco mas alla" or "por la vuelta" as specific directions..... and find the place with out a problem

10. .... You think in terms of soles and don't convert them to dollars in your head anymore

This is what Peruvian money (Soles) looks like... Which, in my opinion, are way prettier that US dollars!!

11. .... You use combis and colectivos more often than taxis to get around

12. .... You rarely shop in grocery stores and prefer local markets

So fresh!! So natural!! And supporting local farmers!! Yum.

13. .... You have favorite specific vendors for your fruit, vegetables, beans, and cleaning supplies, and they all know you by name and give you huge hugs when you go by (aren't Peruvians just the most affectionate people??)

14. .... Seeing another white person walking down the street and coming towards you is possibly the most awkward social situation of all of your time in this country.... First of all, what brought you here?? I thought I knew all 5 of us white people that lived in this city.... Secondly, is that really how out of place I look walking down the street?? I kind of felt like after a few years I started to blend in.... And third, what language do you speak?? Should I say "Hello" or "Hola"???? Or maybe you are German or French and don't say either of those.... Which then this confrontation always results in awkward eye contact, looking away, and walking by. I guess they were having the same thoughts about me????

15. .... You love Inca Cola more than any other soda

Mmmm tastes like carbonated bubble gum

16. .... Someone covers your food with "an assortment of random creams" you don't question it (after all, everything is better with Huancaina sauce)

17. .... You feel like you will pull your hair out if you hear "Marisol", "Hermanos" anything, or "Grupo 5" one more time 

Please no.... not again.

18. .... You find yourself struggling to remember certain words in English. Spanglish is the norm amongst North American friends

19. .... Tipping in a restaurant after a meal is now a totally foreign concept

20. .... You have to pay for toilet paper in a public restroom (or bring your own), and throwing it in the trash can instead of the toilet is a normal habit

Bathroom.... To urinate: 30 cents... If you want to urine with paper: 50 cents more. (Thanks to my friend Jose for this pic!!)

21. .... You have learned not to make eye contact with anyone who is selling anything on the street, because they will take it as a sign of interest & yell after you until you are out of sight

22. .... You don't stop at stop signs, you honk & if anyone is coming through the intersection; they are expected to do the stopping. Also, seatbelts, road lanes, and stop signs are optional. Really the only traffic rule that exists = whoever is bigger, wins.

23. .... You are very seriously concerned about how you will handle professional life in the USA with out a daily 2-hour nap time scheduled in after lunch

24. .... You see roughly 48 different stray dogs on any one excursion around town.... In fact, there are more dogs than human beings on any given street

Normal

24.5 .... Seeing this dog is no longer shocking (the official Peruvian Dog)

25. .... You've learned to ignore whistles, catcalls, honking, yelling, and other random gestures of interest from the majority of males walking down the street.... So much so that sometimes you end up ignoring people you actually know who intend to greet you 

26. .... Everyone assumes you're rich because you're white/a gringo (annoying)

27. .... If you don’t greet with a kiss on the cheek, they will find you

28. .... Time is more of an idea rather than an actual instruction

29. .... Public transportation is a sketchy, dirty-looking teenager yelling at you to get in his sketchy, 20-year-old van that is covered in stickers of marijuana leaves with a sign on the windshield that says something like "SEXY MOVIMIENTO" in a weird, red, dripping-blood font 

In the USA, this van is something you would be so sketched out by that you would probably try avoiding eye contact with the driver.... In Peru, you pay to stuff yourself in here with 15 other people

30. .... You automatically try to conserve the water because you never know when the city will stop sending water to your house or your electricity will randomly get shut off for days (which in turn inhibits your water pump from working)

31. .... You pass a single donkey cart carrying one man, one wife, two small children, a sleeping baby, the family dog, and a box of guinea pigs all sitting atop a mountain of corn stocks during your daily morning run

Poor thing

32. .... You are totally used to people describing someone based on their very blatant physical appearance.... for example "El es el negrito gordo con un narizaso y ojos chinos", AKA "He is the little fat black man with a huge nose and chinese eyes" .... and you forget how totally offensive and NOT politically correct that sounds in English.

33. .... 1,000 year old ancient ruins are so commonplace they double as playgrounds for neighborhood children (seriously)

34. .... You’re so used to stomach ailments that you and your friends regularly discuss your bowel movements with out inhibition

35. .... You don’t notice if a song is in English or Spanish until ½ way through

36. .... Haggling for taxis and mototaxis is second nature

Yeah, this is what I take to work every morning, a moto

37. .... Your hands are dry and calloused like a washwoman during the Dust Bowl because of hand-scrubbing your laundry and handwashing your dishes in freezing cold water.... A machine you just PUT things in and it washes it FOR YOU?? Is that really a thing that exists???? That life seems so far behind me now....

38. .... You’re no longer horrified by the prospect of eating potatoes, rice, yuca, and bread in the same meal (low-carb, low-starch diet = not in Peru.)

39. .... Anyway that a potato is served, sounds good to you.... Mushed, filled with olives and chicken, put in a leaf and baked?? Boiled and mashed up with mayonnaise?? Sweet and soaked in fish juice?? Sliced and served with cooked guinea pig?? Bring it on. 

A Peruvian Cuyada.... AKA, cooked guinea pig (see him back there?? poor guinea pig....) with rice, onion, and potatos.

40. .... You are so used to natural remedies that seeing someone with flowers rolled up and stuffed in their ears or leaves taped on their eyelids doesn't phase you

41. .... You go out to a club with friends and when a popular song comes on, everyone + you starts doing the choreographed "Combate" dance moves in synch (by the way, Vamos Verde!!)

42. .... Although you'd never admit it, you have wondered at least once if the belief that cold things make you sick is true

43. .... You have had head lice, intestinal parasites, ringworm, toe fungus, severe gastritis, or Dengue Fever at some point.... if not all of the above.

44. .... You have learned to peacefully co-exist with the fleas living in your bed

45. .... You really are convinced that Peru has the best food on the planet (but seriously, it's soooo good) 

46. .... The first thing people ask you as a foreigner is "How do you like the food??", this is even before how you like the people, the culture, or the country.

47. .... You can safely assume that if a wedding reception "starts at 9:00pm" you will be served dinner at 12:00 in the morning and the dancing will start around 1:00am.

48. .... A party = people sitting in chairs against the wall and watching each other dance in the middle of the circle.... but at least there is a big plate of food involved??

49. .... You think arriving 30 minutes late is early 

50. .... You understand all of the jokes and references in this video and think it's hilariously awesome that Marca Peru sponsored this .... (even if you haven't been to Peru, you should still watch this video though, it's great)